Hey Fam! I’m sorry I’ve been gone a long time. Those in my personal life know that I went through a divorce this past year, and it’s been the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Being who He is, the Lord continues to refine and prune me in the process of my healing. So much has had to die—my hopes, dreams, and expectations, as well as my pride. A wrecking ball was taken to my heart, and all that was left was the foundation of my faith. In surviving this season of loss, I’ve been questioning God’s goodness. This next post is about the battle over entitlement to good things and doing it God’s way.

Is God’s goodness for me? Is His goodness a rule, or are there exceptions? I hear the echo of the church call back as I write this: “God is good all the time, and all the time He is good!” How good can He be, though, when I asked for things that align with His word, and He didn’t answer my prayers? I went to Him; I cast my cares; I sobbed and pleaded; I prayed with authority, and my answer was to “let go”. For a long time, I’ve been asking whether God has good things in store for me.

Even as a kid, my deepest desire was an intact family of my own. Two people coming together and choosing to love each other well, going through life with the humility to be faithful in forgiving the imperfections, being careful with each other’s hearts, and just enduring. I naively thought it was a simple matter of two people choosing each other every day. In fact, I still believe in that to a degree. But within the context of my faith, I now realize that both people have to subscribe to the same standard that informs how they treat a partner. If that’s not aligned, as the Bible says, “equally yoked,” it’s a house divided serving different interests (2 Corinthians 6:14; Mark 3:25).

I lost a version of what I thought was good, and the effects of that will continue to ripple through my life and my child’s, just as it did when the same thing happened to my parents and their parents before them. This good thing, the unity, selflessness, loyalty, and submission to one another that I think God called those who love Him and choose marriage to die to, I felt disqualified from. And, I wish it could say it made me run to the Father with open arms, but I closed them in bitterness. It has made me question if His way is good. I tried to do things His way, and from every angle, I feel I got burned. I thought to myself, “Maybe His goodness isn’t for me, so why am I trying so hard to live His way? What has it got me so far?”

But then the sword of the Spirit cut through the mess with truth (Hebrews 4:12)! Psalm 100:4-5 says this:

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever; his faithfulness to all generations.

I’m thankful I serve a God who can handle my rage. I'm grateful that He doesn’t become defensive or break over my doubts. He’s the same yesterday and today, and the brokenness of my heart doesn’t surprise Him (Hebrews 13:8). Besides my own personal desires for love and family, He has given me a heart for restoration and healing through a ministry lived out in my work as a therapist. He knows how core to my identity a healthy connection is, as it is He who created me with a heart burdened with care for it. When I was met with the impostor syndrome that said that I can’t encourage people because my own life is a picture of failure, it really felt like my heart shrank. I don’t want to pretend like the whispers of “not being good enough” never knock me off kilter these days because they do. But I was challenged by the Holy Spirit, as always, to look at this a different way.

In my spirit, He questioned me on where what I love comes from. Is my entitlement to good things rooted in His goodness or mine ( James 1:17)? My desires for good things aren’t the problem, but going about them my own way is. He doesn’t go back on His Word. He’s faithful to fulfill it, but when I start changing the conditions of His standards to match my comfort, I dull the impact of His power in my life ( 1 Samuel 15:22-23). He reminded me of what I had been praying at the top of the year, “that I would live like the power of the Holy Spirit is active in my life…” To do that, I have to submit to His way. And to submit really means to trust. He’s asking me to trust His way over mine (1 Samuel 15:22-23). I can’t lead my own life, pick and choose what suits me, and ask Him to bless it. He’s not a liar, and He doesn’t produce counterfeit items. Anything He creates will stand the test of fire (Zechariah 13:9). He said to my heart, “You only have to look at the last year of your life for evidence of this truth”.

I know what this last year was like for me, and I know that it’s His hand that sustained me at every turn. When He gently probed my heart to obey when I was broken—when I had to choose humility, forgiveness, kindness, respect, and self-control, even though I wanted nothing to do with them- He honored those choices with His provision and protection. And now that I’m not so broken, like a sheep, I have forgotten the provision, and I’ve wanted to wander to what looks best to me. He, being the good Shepherd, has used His staff of redirection to point me toward Jesus, His way, and to remind me that His promises never come back void (John 10:11-18).

I hope this encourages you today because the same is true for you. As a child of God, you’re an heir, entitled to live under His authority, have access to His power, and have the protection of His provision (Romans 8:17; Ephesians 1:20-23). Whatever good thing you’re hoping for, know that He wants even better for you. And it’s His goodness that provides these things, born out of His way. In the good fight of faith, let us all continue to pursue it.

I went through something this past year. Scratch that. I've been going through something for a few years that has been so excruciatingly painful that it has rocked me to brokenness. It has undone me. And along with the shame, sadness, and hurt that was born out of this experience, it also made me feel thrown away. The past few months have been about fighting against a few lies that have come from the trauma of loss:

“I don't matter. I'm not good enough. I don't get good things. God doesn't care about what matters to me. I should resolve to be sad. I shouldn't have any expectations. Good isn't for me. I am not lovable. No one cares about me.”

You saw one of these lies written twice. The lies we tell ourselves can be said in different ways. Beware, as these lies can become core messages that shape and inform our future choices. And the enemy is banking on this, as the Word says that he comes to “steal, kill, and destroy” us (John 10:10). One of the ways he does this is by getting us to believe the lie. The theme of all the lies I've told myself is “You're disqualified.” I dared to hope, and I was made a fool. I dared to believe, and I was betrayed. I must not be deserving of good things.

These are all lies, but they have been circling in my mind like vultures waiting for me to die. Many nights have been spent sobbing, and many days have been lived in a zombie state. I've been trying to reconcile my pain. I've been trying to understand why I had to endure something so soul-crushing. What did I do to deserve this? What is my responsibility in this hurt? Even as I write this, I'm not on the other side of this season of questioning, and indeed, I'm not yet healed from the pain. But I write to share what the Holy Spirit is saying within my spirit —that is, we don't “begin” renewal at the end of our pain. God calls the process of maturing in Him a “refining fire” for a reason (Zechariah 13:9). In the burning of the dead, fire purifies what doesn't burn up— the gold within.

That part may not come as a surprise to you as a believer. That “working things together for our good…” implies that He weaves something from the good and bad of your life into His plan (Romans 8:28). What amazes me, however, is that I still have a choice in all of it. I can choose to believe the lie, or I can work out my faith.

The concept of working out my faith is akin to working out at the gym. One does cardio or lifts weights to strengthen their muscles and heart. For athletes, this discipline prepares the body to perform in the arena, so it's not shocked and has the endurance to push harder when the muscles and heart are taxed. Our faith is the same.

In the gym of life, it would be easier to think there isn't anything good for me after being crushed by disappointment. And frankly, there have been moments and dark days when this has been the place where I wallowed. But His mercies are new every morning, and the choice is still available to rebuke the lie ( Lamentations 3:22-23). So, I pump iron through the choice to pray. I run towards the choice to worship. I squat in the choice to read my Bible. And I recover from the stretching choice to call my friends and family with vulnerability about how well I am not doing, for encouragement.

I could choose to believe the lie that God doesn't care. I could believe the lie that no one loves me. I could allow myself to spiral into the darkness of “Well if all of this is true…then what purpose or meaning does my life have?” But then there's a still, small voice, something in me that even among the noise knows this isn't true. So I've called a friend. I've been going to therapy. I've screamed some of my prayers. I drag myself to church. It's been a season filled with evidence of God's mercy, and candidly, I haven't walked it out gracefully. I've been in the fire. My absolute worst nightmare came true. And yet, the lies remain untrue.

Through the powerlessness that betrayal, rejection, and abandonment have led me to feel, I am reminded that I still have a choice. I could believe the lie. Or, I can write. I can love. I can do my job well. I can serve at my church joyfully. I can encourage my friends sacrificially. For me, this excruciatingly painful season in my life made me want to hide away and threatened to stop me from being who I am in Christ. God has gifted me to encourage others with words. It just seeps out even when I'm not trying. He has gifted you, too. And however your giftings show up, they are there to bless and encourage someone else.

Whatever has happened, God wants you to choose his best and trust him even when everything is going wrong. He wants you to work out your faith. Have doubt. Cry. Scream. Sometimes, even wallow. But don't live there. Call your friend when you need help to hear the truth. Turn on some music to worship. Whether you're whispering or screaming to God, pray.

God's gifts and His call are irrevocable (Romans 11:29). Who we are to Him doesn't change, no matter what we've done or what was done to us. There's nothing that can disqualify us from who God has made us to be. Don't let your faith extinguish; instead, choose to let the fire refine you. It's not a graceful process. It's certainly not easy. But when it's all said and done, I want the blessings that come from seeking God's face, not His hand (Psalms 105:4). I want an unshakable faith and a relationship with Him so intimate that the disappointment and fallenness of this world cannot undo me. I can choose this or disqualify myself from what God has for me by believing a lie. You have the same choice. Choose well.

In this harrowing season of upending, two scriptures have been an anchor for me:

Psalms 34:18 – The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Lamentations 3:19 - God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?

I love you. Most importantly, God loves you. Be encouraged.

We all have our sayings.

One I use almost daily with my friends describes my relationship with the Holy Spirit this way: “Girl, He came for my came for my life on...”. It is said playfully and is my best attempt to communicate how He encourages, convicts, and points me toward a life lived for Jesus. Talking with friends and hearing about their relationships with the Lord is like meeting different versions of God's personality through His interactions with His children. We're all unique, so His interactions with us will be, too. One person told me she is pretty sarcastic, so the Lord uses sarcasm to get her attention. Another person is sassy, so the Holy Spirit goes toe-to-toe with her in that way. I can be both sensitive and practical, so He delivers straightforward truths in ways that hold my heart simultaneously. It's the sweetest thing knowing that we serve a God big enough to understand and meet us in the ways we can hear Him best.

I felt led to write about dealing with shame and guilt through worship and relationship with the Holy Spirit. I've described that the Holy Spirit “comes for my life” to share how moments of conviction refine my life in Jesus. The Holy Spirit showed me how literal this statement is, as He always leads, encourages, and prompts us towards worship in our day-to-day lives by changing our hearts to reflect the heart of Jesus. My life, once submitted to Christ, is mine no longer, as I don't live on my terms or for my interests but for His glory. The Holy Spirit is all truth, and His job is to make us more holy by pointing to a life modeled after Jesus (John 14:25-26). Embracing this is worship, and so is being more sensitive to the voice of the Father—as both reflect a reverence for a relationship with Him as both a priority and need.

Furthermore, worship takes many forms and can be applied to respond to shortcomings with the right heart. When we sin, we experience distance from God. We tend to believe the lie that we have to “be better “before we come to Him when we fail. But the conviction of the Holy Spirit prompts us to confess, repent, and move on. He doesn't reprimand us through guilt or shame. These external influences compel us to follow socially acceptable norms and keep us in chains to our past by replaying what we've done wrong. God, however, is interested in working on your heart so that there is an internal decision to choose righteous living out of love for Jesus and reverence for His sacrifice for us at the cross. He doesn't replay things. When we repent with broken and contrite hearts, He forgives us (Psalm 51:17). Simple. One and done. We don't earn His forgiveness; He gives it when we ask ( 1 John 1:9).

What makes this hard to accept is that forgiveness is not our nature. It is our nature to focus on what we do to overcome and make things right instead of what He can do through us. I feel bad for my mistakes, so I meditate on why I can't be who God has called me to be, but does it point me toward a changed heart? Instead of hanging on to my shortcomings, worship acknowledges them and says I can only overcome them because of God's grace and mercy. He is the only one who can do anything about the condition of our hearts ( Ezekial 36:26).

So, what are you replaying over and over? God doesn't want us to relive things. He wants us to confess, repent, and turn toward Him so that we can live differently. Worship can help us do this because it takes the focus off of ourselves. It is behavior meant to infiltrate every area of our lives because the fruit of our hearts is in everything we do. Where the fruit of our focus is on our shortcomings, let's confess it and give it to our God because He's greater than our failings.

Your praise and worship can look like confession and a request for his help in prayer:

_Father, I made choices that have hurt ___. My heart is broken, and I know your heart breaks when I choose to sin. I confess this. My choice (s) were wrong, and I repent before you. Please forgive me. There may be consequences for my choices, and I pray for your grace and mercy to abound as I respond to those in a way that reflects that I know and love you. Even though the consequences might be difficult, I will rejoice because you are helping me grow to maturity. I praise you because you have changed my heart to care about turning from sinful things. When guilt and shame pop up, please point me to you. Help me remember that you accepted my request for forgiveness and now see me as a blameless, one cleansed from sin. Please help me to surrender whatever I am holding on to that you want me to let go of. I pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding in Christ Jesus and that I will live in a way that glorifies your name in this area and every area. You are worthy of the praise of my life, and I seek to give it to you. I pray this in Jesus' name, amen.

This is worship: confession, repentance, turning to God to help you walk out your decision, and celebrating that your heart is now soft to receive His discipline, which is His love ( Hebrew 12:6). God wants your heart to change so you can experience the life and truth found only in Himself. Guilt and shame are not life sentences. Pray for sensitivity to the voice of the Holy Spirit, who continually points us toward Jesus. Worship through relationship! He is with you ( and in you) always. He will “come for your life” because He wants you to live a powerful, fully surrendered life in Christ. Get ready!

Seasons in life can be so painful they leave us speechless. Certainly, devastating losses like the death of a family member, loss of a friendship, a sudden layoff, or firing are all types of pain that can leave us without words. And still, other pain is more complex to name, less identifiable to mark, that seeps in with each passing day of endurance, leaving us to wither into a less vibrant version of ourselves. We lose our voice in the overt and subtle moments of pain in our relationships. And while it's at times replaced by sobs filling our chests and throats, other times, we tend to turn inward. In these seasons, it's as if all we own is silence to respond to the defeat of disappointments, dashed hopes and worst fears realized, and all the while, life goes...on.

Silence can feel like the last stand, but I'd like you to consider it more like a white flag— call it a surrender to the status quo. Surrender to living with less than what belongs to you as a child of God (Ephesians 4:24). The scriptures remind us to be on guard for an enemy who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Your joy, family, expectation, calling and faith are what the enemy comes for. He's successful when we surrender to silence instead of crying out to our Father in heaven.

Silence in our relationships is challenging because it doesn't move things. Often, we end up weaponizing it against ourselves and our loved ones. For example, a couple living with deep and compounding relational wounds feels like their only option not to do more damage is to be silent. But silence without directives and purpose has devastating consequences. Ask the wife, who eventually blows up at her husband because she thought he'd notice and respond with care when she stopped sharing what bothers her. He didn't notice, and now she is lashing out from hurt. Ask the husband who has used silence to avoid conflict and dismisses what he deems as nonissues, finding himself in a mad scramble to save a relationship in crisis. Silence, employed without constructive intentionality, is not a valuable tool for repair.

What are we supposed to do when we feel voiceless? Something in our lives has brought us to our knees, and dealing with it in our strength isn't working. Perhaps you've tried talking, yelling, screaming, and crying, and the disappointment and lack of change make everything around you feel numb and dull. Not feeling is the goal, and silence becomes a fitting response. You start to internalize these words, “No one cares... I should just stop talking... I'll have to figure it out alone....”. All of these are lies and not at all from God. God intimately cares about what you're going through and understands your pain and struggle. Your voice matters to Him. He is affected by your hurt, and you are not alone.

The art of “crying out” sounds artsy and intellectual, but it's actually something raw and unbeautiful born out of discomfort. One of my struggles is not to allow culture to romanticize what the cross represents. Jesus endured the most brutal, torturous, and painful sacrifice for us, dying on the cross in submission to the Father to pay a debt we never could. When the Bible talks about “picking up your cross,” it means not letting what is painful and torturous in our lives derail us from crying out ( as Jesus did), obeying, and submitting to the will of the Father (Matthew 16:24, Matthew 27:46). The will of God doesn't have to be a mystery, either. He wants a relationship and gives us the Word to learn about His character and seek Him. Crying out to the Father is repeatedly and vividly portrayed throughout the Bible. Consider the list of individuals in the Hall of Fame of Faith (Hebrews 11)! Choose any one of them, and you'll see them crying to God and seeking His intervention. Our God is not passive. He responds to our pleas, but we must pick up our cross (choose Him) and voice the cries of our lives, which reflect our faith in Him (Luke 9:23). His Word is alive, so if you're at a loss for words on what to say to pour out your heart, let the scriptures fill your mouth and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you from there (Hebrews 4:12).

If you believe God is above everything, you also believe in His power to change the problem, even your response. Crying out, sharing our deepest emotions, and laying down burdens is the measure of trusting God with the good, the bad, and the ugly. He wants it all. He wants your ugly crying, screaming if need be, as well as moans of pain where words fail. He cares for you. He loves you infinitely and can handle whatever you have to bring. Crying out involves coming to God how you are and being raw about your need for Him when the world tells you you only need yourself. He isn't looking for excellent elocution or you to come up with a solution; He's looking for a heart that trusts Him with everything. This pursuit of God will equip us to tackle situations or give us renewed strength to endure tough seasons (1 Corinthians 10:13). In our silence, we don't ask of God. And though our Father knows our thoughts and needs before we speak them, our relationship with Him is built upon communication. Our prayers are the lifeline of connection, one we utilize to grow close in relationship as followers of Christ. It's hard to grow close to someone you don't talk to and be vulnerable with someone you don't know.

So, if you're experiencing a season of silence around something disappointing or painful, recognize it as a weapon against your interests. Embrace the art of crying out to God. The scriptures witness that those who practice this always emerge victorious. Victory may not always resemble what we imagine, but God's Word says He has good plans for us, which will not harm us, that we are more than conquers through Christ Jesus ( Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:37-39). His Word never returns empty, so when He commands us to cry out, we can be sure there's life on the other side ( Isaiah 55:12). This life may differ from what we expect, but it's a life of victory and hope.

Cry out to the Father when faith feels intangible! This act is faith in action, which pleases God (Hebrews 11:6). There’s nothing to lose. Your heart is in good hands.

( I’m sorry there was a glitch, and the post wasn’t sent to subscribers)

Today is Easter Sunday!

If you spent part of your weekend at church like me, you likely received a message about the good news! The Gospel essentially says that we deserve death because of our sins, BUT GOD made a way for us to have life through the sacrifice of His blameless son Jesus, who died in our place and overcame death by resurrection on the 3rd day. We can obtain what God purposed for our lives, which is to have life and have it more abundantly, because of what Jesus did on the cross by taking the punishment for our sins (John 10:10). My heart can't help but leap with praise even as I write this!

I want to highlight how Jesus' resurrection power is accessible throughout life, not just when we become justified (Romans 5:1). Accepting and believing in Jesus as our Savior means we are no longer dead to sin. That means disappointment, lack of love, brokenness, and despair don't have to rule your life. Cutoff from family members, dead marriages, brokenheartedness from disappointment, the hardness of life— these things do not have power over the name of Jesus Christ.

So, if you have dead things in your life, confess those things to Jesus and die to your pride and entitlement over the pain because God has the power to raise those things from the dead. He has the final say. After all, it is not just a belief in Jesus that saves us but an acceptance that He rose again and overcame death. We need this to be true for us not to be condemned for our sins. We must also believe that God can resurrect the dead things in our lives (1 Corinthians 15:57).

In each of our circumstances, hope and renewal are not dead. Just because something died in your relationship doesn't mean God can't restore it. If there was unfaithfulness of any kind, turn away from it, confess to your spouse and Jesus, and live as God calls you to. Even if God doesn't change the situation as you expected, He changes you. That's still resurrection power in action. The misconception is that sin looks like things we deem morally wrong. Infidelity and betrayal, for example, are not the only types of unfaithfulness. Selfishness, greed, and contempt are sins too. Anything that puts your desires above the things of God is what sin is. Often, people can't point to actions they “do,” but our hearts reflect our sins back to us. This simple truth is why we need the blood that Jesus shed on the cross for our sins to cover us ( Hebrews 9:10) . The good news is that we are redeemable (Ephesians 1:7). God can redeem our relationships through Christ at work in us.

Our Father is not a one-size-fits-all being. I write this not knowing what comes to mind as you read, but He does. We serve a relationship-focused God, so I implore you to contemplate these concepts in your relationship with the Father. It's not my intent to convey that every wrong or hurt in our relationships happens because we did “something wrong.” We have a sinful nature, and the sin problem is systemic (Romans 3: 9-26). To deal with it, we need an infinite God who is more significant than the systemic impact of our sinful nature. I hope you take questions to your Father in Heaven and ask Him where to submit and believe in His resurrection power over the everyday things of your life.

The Good News is not something we receive once when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, but something we live out and experience daily. What we celebrate each Easter is truly the best news, and I hope you got to look good while doing it!

Happy Resurrection Day, Y'all!

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself lying awake at night, contemplating some painful emotions I am experiencing in this season of my life. The words “speak to the mountain” were made plain in my spirit. It was a profoundly encouraging moment for me, and I hope you'll receive the same encouragement from these words.

Mark 11:23 says, “For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.”

Mountains can look like tangible problems or emotional barriers. The need for more resources to buy food or pay bills is a physical mountain that needs to be moved. But so are emotions like envy or covetousness for what someone else has, as well as bitterness, unforgiveness, and resentment. They infiltrate our hearts and color the lens through which we see the world. When we choose not to address them, they can function as barriers to joy and purposeful living. Our position as adopted children in Christ means we are not powerless in or against our circumstances (John 14:12-14). We have inherited authority through Christ to speak to our physical and emotional challenges. We can tell the mountains to move, and they must obey.

What are the barriers to living this out? Usually distractions. One of the many tactics of the enemy is distraction, and we also get distracted by our flesh. We focus on why someone doesn't deserve our forgiveness, for example, or dwell on our lack of strength to extend it. In our humanness, this makes sense. However, these foci are distractions from walking in authority, which comes from acknowledging our weaknesses in Him to make us strong ( 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ). We experience power when we admit that we need faith in God to move our mountains. Our faith in Christ Jesus unlocks the same power He used to overcome death, which we've received upon accepting the gift of salvation. Essentially, we have rights and privileges in Christ! Why don't we use them?

With this authority, we can declare things that are not as if they are ( Romans 4:17). Jesus spoke with authority and overcame death [ the result of sin] ( Matt 7:29). “Walking in authority ” involves knowing who you serve, and to whom you belong. So, though you're never going to be perfect, in living for Christ, you are continually becoming more like Jesus by seeking to live as He did. It's not our power to wield, but the Holy Spirit’s through us, which enables us to speak to our situations and expect them to move.

I appreciate that the Word is candid about how hard it is to live for Christ. Our Father doesn't sugarcoat the challenges nor minimize our pain. He tells us that we can expect to experience persecution and that the days will be full of trouble ( 2 Timothy 3:12; Job 14:1). However, He also tells us that we have authority and help in them (Romans 8:17). In Christ, you can overcome what robs you of joy and peace, including the mountains that keep you in the valleys of your heart.

Know this: God would not tell us to do something if we couldn't expect it to work. He wants us to walk in authority and utilize what belongs to us. To do this, confess whatever you have joined to in your heart that isn't of God ( anxiety, shame, unforgiveness, resentment, etc). Remind Him what His Word says about what we can expect as co-heirs with Christ, then speak to the mountain and cast it into the sea.

Sometimes, we remain stuck because we're asking God to do things for us that we can do for ourselves. We wait for Him to move on our behalf, but He is waiting for us to apply our faith to what He has already told us in His Word. Studying the Bible tells you what belongs to you and how to take hold of it. Your tongue is a weapon (Proverbs 18:21 ). Require it to submit to the things of God. The circumstances may not change immediately, but your position toward them will. You'll experience a mindset of victory and an assurance that God can do the impossible with our faith ( Matt 19:26).

I encourage you to start to speak to the mountains in your life with the authority of one who belongs to Christ. Expect things to change. Expect the mountains to move!

I aim to explore on this site how to live out Christ-centered relationships, and I felt led to write a post about the main person who helps reflect the love of Christ in our lives. I hope this post launches you into deep exploration and reflection. I hope it excites and renews your flame for Christ. And if this information is a refresher course, I hope you bask in the peace that is the practice of these truths.

Let's talk about the Holy Spirit.

Being a Christian involves embracing the Trinity: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Before Jesus ascended to heaven, He sent us an “Advocate” and “Helper.” ( John 15:26-27, John 14:26). So many of us are acquainted with the role of God and Jesus but less so with the Holy Spirit. And many of us live as followers of Christ without activating the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. A relationship with the Holy Spirit is the way to be tapped into what the Lord has for you and what He has called you to. The Holy Spirit knows the things of God intimately, and He reveals those things to us (1 Corinthians 2:10). He warns us, confirms things within us, and directs us. We need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and yield to Him to effectively lead lives that advance the kingdom of God (John 16:13-15).

When someone repents and accepts Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit comes to live in them ( John 14:17). Said differently, He comes to indwell within them (2 Corinthians 6:16). This experience is often referred to as “getting saved.” However, there's more to salvation than avoiding hell. There's a gift also available for us to live for Christ with power ( Acts 1:6) . The power I am referring to is not our power to wield as we will, but the power of the Holy Spirit, which we have access to once we become infilled. The evidence of being infilled with the Holy Spirit is speaking in other tongues ( Acts 2:4, Acts 19:6). The other tongues are an unknown language, your prayer language, which connects you to the Holy Spirit. Your prayer language is for building you up and is meant to be something you tap into daily. God gave us a prayer language to enjoy deeper worship and pray out mysteries (1 Corinthians 14:2). There are things we can't pray in our knowledge that praying through the Spirit addresses; there's direction we don't even know to ask for in our “known language” that we can pray when we're infilled with the Holy Spirit.

There is a misconception about speaking in other tongues that tripped me up for years, even after I was infilled with the Holy Spirit. It negatively impacted my faith and, thus, my prayer life. I've had people tell me in the past that speaking in tongues is not for everyone, and that's partially true, but only because the words can be confusing. Speaking in Other Tongues is one of the nine ministry Spiritual Gifts ( 1 Corinthians 12:8-11), which always operates in a corporate setting in conjunction with the Interpretation of Tongues  (1 Corinthians 14: 27-28). The Holy Spirit gives every believer at least one spiritual gift. The spiritual ministry gift for corporate gatherings is not given to every believer. That's what is referred to when the bible says that the Holy Spirit gives spiritual gifts “severally” ( 1 Corinthians 12:11) . Your prayer language, however, is available to every believer once they receive the infilling of the Holy Spirit.

For the past few years, I've been learning so much about the Holy Spirit and engaging my prayer language like never before. It's been life-changing for my walk, and I've grown so much in the knowledge of Christ as a result. God wants this for you, too. God desires you to experience the power of the Holy Spirit in your life. Teaching is not a gift of mine, but I gave an intro here to launch you into a deeper exploration of the Holy Spirit if this is new to you. The resources below will help you better understand these concepts. I learned everything I've written in this post from reading these books, reading scripture, and applying it in my life.

Kenneth Hagin describes in his book that being infilled with the Holy Spirit is a gift readily available for you to receive ( he describes “the how” as well). My deep hope and prayer is that you choose not only to receive the indwelling of the Holy Spirit through salvation but also to be infilled with His power operating through you.

The Holy Spirit and His Gifts by Kenneth E. Hagin

Learning to Flow with the Spirit of God by Kenneth E. Hagin

Praying Out the Plan: Expanded Edition with Devotional by Marcus Tankard

Discuss...

“People-Pleasing” is idolatrous. Let me explain. 

This behavior robs a person of the acceptance and love found in healthy relationships by using the currency of relating with others through what one does to add value instead of creating reciprocity through who they are to foster genuine connection. It is a counterfeit to humility and gives us an excuse to evade responsibility for our decisions while living in fear of others. It appears harmless, like “I just want to make people happy,” but it's a stance where one forfeits accountability to someone else. It's not healthy, and it's not righteous.

Don't get me wrong, happiness is not invaluable, but it can be short-sighted. Joy is above the comfort of circumstances, which is why the Bible speaks to finding it in the Everlasting God ( John 15:11; Romans 14:17). In relational contexts, a focus on joy has a future orientation in mind. My toddler, for example, is unhappy when I interrupt playtime to feed her dinner and begin her bedtime routine. Yet, the rest and ultimate health gains from not serving her happiness lead to a more joyful disposition overall. Happiness can also be the road to conflict avoidance. And you guessed it, a people pleaser's behavior is primarily to avoid conflict.

On the surface, conflict avoidance doesn't appear to be wrong. But keeping the peace can be the same as keeping others free from discomfort, which is what people-pleasing does. The Bible says, “Blessed are the peacemakers...” which is an active pursuit of peace ( Matthew 5:9). People-pleasing is passive, as it prioritizes another person's needs, desires, or interests over God's requirements for you to be accountable for your choices ( Romans 14:12). We fall into idolatry when we confuse loving God through the service of others with loving people in service of ourselves.

God values agency in relationships, as evidenced by our free will to engage in a relationship with Him. He doesn't force us to love Him but invites us. As a result of the invitation, we can choose to take His offer or not, and we are accountable for the outcomes of that choice. People-pleasing looks like relinquishing your agency and holding someone else responsible for the consequences. Suppose you are consistently resentful from overextension in “helping” others, or your “no” has no weight. In those cases, it might be time to reevaluate your role in seeking to please others. Unbounded service is not the way to give or receive love.

If you identify as a “people-pleaser,” I challenge you to explore where that comes from. What is at the root of this behavior in your relationships? Maybe while growing up, the adults in your life couldn't control their anger, so you learned to anticipate their needs to manage the home. Perhaps focusing on pleasing others was the only way to make friends, and the loneliness that come from rejection was too much to bear. The context for this behavior makes sense, and so does the function of it as a coping skill. However, people-pleasing behavior is harmful as it undermines authentic, healthy, and reciprocal relationships meant to strengthen and help us grow.

This behavior can be a profound issue connected to other relationship traumas like abandonment and rejection. Disrupt this behavior by utilizing healthy boundaries. These expressions of our limitations aren't selfish, hard-hearted, or unkind; they function as means for you to live in a way where you are accountable for your choices. When you choose a life in Christ for example, you make specific choices aligned with those beliefs and thus experience the benefits and privileges of said choice. Some behaviors don't align with this lifestyle; that is a boundary in action. Engaging in some deep work with a therapist might be helpful to uncover wounds that lead to people-pleasing behaviors and learn how to apply healthy boundaries for renewed agency in your relationships.

Living to please others is powerless living, which isn't God's best for anyone who seeks a life in Him (Ephesians 6:10). It might look okay from a distance, but the damage is extensive when you look closely at what it does to the heart. I hope to encourage you in this new year to unyoke yourself from the slavery of living for others and gain freedom by living for Christ in who He called you to be (Galatians 5:1). You might lose relationships, or they might change for the better — either way, consider this a choice to let go of dead weight. God tells us He'll prune us of the dead branches we carry to strengthen us in the vine ( John 15:2). The first clip of the year might be letting go of living to please others in your life.

In the final post on Marriage is a Ministry, we focus on the unique role of submission in marriage after exploring how to strengthen unity through protection and service for the glory of God.

Submission

The concept of submission is a touchy topic. I've heard it discussed most in disrepute concerning wives submitting to their husbands. Historically, it is an idea that has been weaponized to control people, a prime example of what happens when religion overrides Christ-centered relationships. The Bible clearly states the importance of submission as an integral part of walking with Christ and its divine placement between husband and wife. The purpose and function of submission is not to control but to protect.

Examine the scripture Ephesians 5:21

“Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.”

So far, I've not come across a better description of submission than Dietrich Bonhoeffer's quote, “Only he who is obedient believes, and only he who believes is obedient.” As Christians, we recognize the authority of Christ and do what God the Father commands out of love ( John 14:15). Our submission to God's will is for our protection. When we operate outside the covering of His authority, we are made vulnerable to attack. If we believe Christ lived a perfect life, we can't live like him without applying the principle of submission ( Luke 22:42).

Check out the passage Ephesians 5:22-33 in your Bible.

Notice in the passage how the roles of husband and wife work together, how neither is more important than the other, and there's an overarching expectation for both individuals to ”submit to one another”. This concept is essential because the world has abused submission in marriage and with women in particular. There is honor and dignity in submission, and our goals as spouses should be to reflect the love of Christ to each other, not to oppress.

Another scripture that speaks to the mutuality of submission is when Paul describes expectations of the marital bed in 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5. The interchange of responsibility to submit to one another's needs is to protect the relationship. Paul describes how to selflessly serve your spouse so they can experience Christ's love through you. It looks different for men and women because we have different roles and thus needs, but each is damaged when needs go unmet.

In my work with couples, it's common to encounter a dynamic in a marriage where someone withholds a need. Usually, it presents with sex, and it's often (not always) as a wife refusing her husband. After diving deeper, we discover how the husband also withholds from the wife. Thus, the couple is experiencing the natural consequences of brokenness together due to each partner not submitting to Christ and then to their spouse. Each partner begins to engage in behaviors that act out their pain in the relationship. Whether it's emasculating statements from the wife to her husband or the husband not utilizing self-control to honor his wife, the impact causes division and deep wounds of hurt. It doesn't always look like “Big T” trauma in relationships like infidelity, for example. It can be simple decisions of self-interest like, “They don't do that for me, so I'm not going to do this for them,” which erodes a loving partnership.

Consider this. Are you a loving husband? Are you a respectful wife? Answer this not by your standards, but inquire with the Holy Spirit to accurately measure your heart toward your spouse. He might point to areas of continued growth. After all, the goal to strive for a life modeled after Jesus, who embodied submission in his ministry, is a lifelong one.

Be assured that submission is righteous, though the world will have you thinking otherwise. The scriptures tell us God's ways are not ours ( Isaiah 55:8-9). A strong marriage requires submission to one another as a part of your commitment to carrying your cross for Christ. If you're reading this and have a retort like, “My spouse is not deserving of my submission because….”. I'll remind you that your obedience to Christ is not dependent on your spouse's behavior. Even writing this, I still experience the sting of conviction from the Holy Spirit that brought this to remembrance. When I stand before God on judgment day to account for all I did or didn't do, I cannot defer my disobedience to my husband's shortcomings. Because God does not show favoritism, expect the standard of holiness to extend to you also ( Duet 10:17).

In closing, seasons of marriage can feel challenging and desperate, and that's why the Bible says to pray without ceasing ( 1 Thess 5:17). You're not only praying through this season but for the seasons to come. The enemy attacks relationships because they are primary instruments to share the gospel of Christ, and marital relationships specifically can impact generations. Cover your spouse and marriage in prayer. Be dedicated to living righteously. The Word tells us that while we can expect suffering generally ( within marriage as well), we’re encouraged to rejoice because it strengthens our character and our hope in the Lord, who we know doesn't fail the righteous ( Romans 5:3-5).

In part two of posts on Marriage is a Ministry, we continue exploring how to strengthen the spiritual life of marriage through attention to protection, service, and submission, as our unions can have a mighty kingdom impact when founded on the principles of Christ.

Service

Often, the word “service” has a negative connotation in marriage. Perhaps it's because there's a fear that if you serve your spouse, how can you be sure they will meet your needs? While this is a risk, focusing on fear paralyzes growth, so let's explore the reward of adopting a servant's heart to activate faith and reinforce unity.

It should be unsurprising that Jesus was the ultimate servant ( Luke 22:27). He humbled himself in service to the Father, showing us the grandest love by dying on the cross for our sins. He made a way, thus aptly referred to as THE WAY, for us to receive salvation and spend eternity in heaven ( John 14:6). The Bible tells us to model our marriages after Christ and the church, embodying his principles of service and submission.

To have an orientation of service means to die to yourself, which, interestingly enough, is what it means to be a Christian ( Luke 9:27). Service lived out loud is to have a more excellent vision for others over your immediate desires. You may be reading this thinking, “Well, I do that, but my partner doesn't… and frankly, I'm tired of giving everything and getting almost nothing in return”. I get it. And there's nothing more painful in relationships than giving your all and not seeing your efforts appreciated or reciprocated.

However, consider this: service in marriage isn't just about what you do. It's also not an excuse to entertain unacceptable behavior or to ignore healthy boundaries to serve your partner. Jesus Christ was not a doormat, so be assured that people-pleasing and voicelessness in a relationship is the opposite of living like Him. Jesus' service was, and is, reflected through His heart for us ( 1 John 4:19). During His ministry on Earth, Jesus served by healing, answering questions, preaching, and driving out demons because He has a servant's heart toward saving the lost ( John 6:38). Even now, seated at the Father's right hand in heaven, He continually intercedes through prayer for us ( Romans 8:34).

What if we took the same posture towards marriage? That is to have a servant's heart toward your spouse— to anticipate needs and be a partner in the relationship. It looks like putting your pride aside to apologize to your spouse when you're wrong, because this consistent behavior lays a foundation of humility in your relationship. None of us always get it right, and it strengthens emotional safety in our relationships to not behave as if we do. Service, for example, is knowing that your spouse's needs might look different than yours and making space to help meet them. If you spend 3 hours out with friends and your spouse is home with the kids, what does it look like to support their opportunity for the same quality time away, as you both are human and need time to rest and recharge? If you know there's a stressful time a work coming up for your spouse, where can you function as a gap to help with stress and see their work succeed?

Service isn't just about doing things for your partner; it's about creating an environment where love is in action. If you don't have a marriage like this, start first with your own heart. Where have you experienced brokenness? Refrain from sweeping under the rug the emotional load of carrying the burden of consideration within a marriage. Resentment and bitterness grow like weeds, taking root in our hearts and popping out throughout the landscape of marriage in places you never expected. Suddenly, there's a spirit of “tit for tat” in your relationship, and it doesn't serve you or your partner, nor does it reflect the love we are called to show our spouse in Christ.

If service is frustrating, explore why. Identify your participation in patterns with your partner, and you may engage that situation differently in love ( check my earlier post out boundaries). Then, take these heart matters to the Father in prayer and explore the Word on the subject. After all, service originates in the heart. Pray for your heart and your spouse's heart. Commit yourself to a spirit of love towards them, even if they haven't started with you. Pray diligently for their hearts to change to be more like Christ and to change toward you.

Notice how we're not just “praying about it.” Indeed, prayer is powerful and should be part of our everyday day, but faith is worked out through your choices. If you've committed to having a spirit of service towards your spouse and marriage, your behaviors will reflect it. As you tag-team prayer and action towards your partner, expect to see how their hearts ( and service) change toward you. Our lives are to reflect the love of Jesus, and our marriages are no different ( Romans 12:2). Suppose everyone outside your home experiences you as loving, generous, a good listener, kind, or helpful, but your spouse cannot say they experience this version of you. Consider then how to engage in service behaviors toward your spouse to strengthen the ministry of your marriage.